Occasional thoughts from a young adult reveling in the messiness of life.
One of the things I get to do often as a public relations professional is staff interviews (that is, I help prep our spokespeople, make the introduction with the reporter and then take notes throughout on anything that needs a follow up). But there are different kinds of interviews, and the ones where the stakes are the highest are live TV interviews–because anything can happen and there’s no turning back once its begun. Usually being on the other side of the camera standing watch and taking notes, I was delighted to have one of our spokespeople relay a story about what it feels like to him.
He said that in the beginning, it feels like he is standing on the shore of a lake. With each question, he feels himself taking a step forward, and as his foot nears the surface of the water, a stone rises from underneath to support that step. The process continues step by step, question by question, and when he looks back at the end, he has crossed the lake. To some, this sounds like an absolutely horrific experience, but he disagrees. It excites him.
That metaphor seemed appropriate for the leg of the faith journey on which I find myself now. Only, I am somewhere between the feeling of “this is horrible” and “this is exciting.”
It is exciting because I know that God has led me to where I am today, and I am comforted by the fact that he will continue to lead me if I remain open to being led. While I am still young, I am old enough to have answered the question “where do you see yourself in five years” and have life prove me totally wrong. I never would have guessed that I would be living in a big city, working as a PR pro at a fairly large company, married to a man that I met at church. But I am here. And I know that I am only here because six years ago, I finally opened myself up to being led. I felt called into the community of the church, and I have felt God calling me and moving in my life many times since.
But at the same time, it’s horrible because I am impatient. I am now standing on a stone in the middle of the lake, dipping my toes in the water in front of me, to my left and to my right, but I don’t feel a stone rising to meet my foot.
I believe that God calls us not once, but often and always, and I have been blessed to feel him calling me and moving in my life many times. However, I’d been hanging out on an island in that lake for a while…that is, until God called me out into the water again. He brought me back to my church home. He spurred me to reach out to people in that community. But now I find myself searching voraciously to figure out why He got me off that island—trying to figure out what He wants with me right now. But in this moment, I cannot hear Him. So I find myself having the same one-sided conversation:
I heard You calling me into church several years ago, so I went.
I heard You calling me away from my home, so I moved to another city.
I felt You open my lips and speak through them when I couldn’t find the words.
I heard You calling me to young adult ministries, so I helped lead for many years.
I heard You calling me into marriage, so I said “I will.”
I saw You leading me to my current job, so I followed You yet again.
I heard You calling me back to my church home, so I followed you there.
But in all the times that You have called me, You have been there to guide me. I have felt you with me. So where are you now? For what purpose have you called me this time?
I haven’t always been a good and faithful servant, Lord, but I hope that the fact that I want to please you, pleases you.
I have followed you thus far, and I will follow you still. Just keep moving; don’t go quiet now.